Improve Your Listening Skills for Better CommunicationIf you don't already have good listening skills, you're missing out on one of the best ways to connect with people. Effective listening is perhaps the most important aspect of human communication.People will like you if you listen to them. How do you feel about people who listen to you? Isn't your admiration for them high? If you listen effectively, other people will feel the same way about you. When you really listen to someone and open yourself to their point of view, you build a strong connection with them. If you are a bad listener, the person will often think that you're aloof or not interested in them. This page will provide you with some great listening skills to help you improve in this area. Eliminate All Distractions Distractions inhibit good talkers and listeners. It is important that you remove all distractions when listening to another person. Creating a very warm and comfortable atmosphere for the talker is the first of several important listening skills. What Questioning Will Do Questions we ask people arouse their thinking processes. When you ask questions you end up having more to listen to! You arouse people's thinking processes and give them the chance to express their own ideas and feelings. Believe it or not asking good questions is one of the best listening skills you can have. The only way you will find out what you want to know about another is by asking questions. If you are able to help people think on their own they will respect you and like you. You have been able to do something for them that they were not able to do for themselves. By listening to others, you also fulfill their need to feel important. Through your concern, they feel special. Keep The Conversation Open In order to listen, you must keep the conversation open. Some people won't tell you everything on their minds, so you may have to question them to keep the conversation going. All of your questions should relate to who, what, why, where, when and how. What Questions Do You Ask? The questions you ask must have a specific purpose. If they don't, you will lose credibility. Effective listening relies on asking questions the person understands and making sure your questions are genuine. (And remember not to confuse people by asking complicated questions.) Your questions should prompt definite answers, and they should discourage others from guessing at the answers. The therapeutic value of questioning is lost when people guess at answers. How To Resolve An Argument By Listening Sometimes good listening skills are all it takes to resolve an argument. It may be hard to believe, but it really works. It works when someone is trying to get his point across to you, and when he is yelling and telling you how right he is. Even if the argument is meaningless, here is how to deal with the situation so that you come out on top: The first thing you should do is listen to what the person has to say without once interrupting. This is where your listening skills will come in handy. You should say "yes" or "I understand" occasionally to show the other person that you are really listening. It is important that you agree with the other person's point of view. If you don't think the other person is right, you must at least let the other person know that you understand his point of view. When the other person is finished saying what he had to say, ask him, "What can I do for you?" This statement throws many people off because they don't expect it. But it again shows that you're genuinely interested in them and care about their view. You will find, after using this technique, that most people give in to your point of view. The reason for this is that all people really want is for someone to listen to them. HOW TO GET ACTION BY TALKING Effective listening is important in hearing what other people have to say. It is also important for others to listen to what you have to say (they could probably improve their listening skills too :). Here we'll try and teach you how to create the most impact from what you say. Get The Other Person's Attention The first thing you must do when trying to make a point is to get the other person's attention. Make sure the other person is effectively listening to you before you begin talking. If the other person is not listening to you, then you are wasting your time trying to get through to them. Make Your Message Understood Make sure your message can be fully understood by the other person. Don't use language or terms the other person will not understand. Speak slowly and clearly. Make Requests, Don't Give Orders Nobody likes getting ordered around. A polite request will usually get a better result than a firm order. Fill Your Message With Benefits People want to hear what you will do for them, not what you want from them. Fill your message with benefits. The following two sentences show how this concept works. "I can show you how to be a better person if you'll listen" - is much more appealing than - "Listen to me because I know how to be a better person." Begin Discussions With Agreements When you begin a conversation, open with something about which you have a mutual understanding and on which both of you can agree. Here is an example of this concept: If you want someone to turn the lights off when not in use you shouldn't say, "Keep the lights off, you *@$!!" Instead, you should say "We both want to conserve energy, don't we? So it's best to turn the lights off when we leave the room." Give Reasons For Your Requests Don't tell someone to do something just because you want them to, or because it is a policy or rule. Give them a benefit-oriented reason to listen to you. "Could you move your car so I can pick up our dinner?" - is much better than - "Move your car." Changing Subjects If you are going to change subject during a conversation, tell the listener that you will be moving on to another subject. If you confuse your listener, they may not continue listening (maybe their listening skills aren't too good :-). It is easier for a person not to listen at all than to try to follow a confusing conversation.
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