Dealing With Difficult PeopleIf you can get behind their "fronts", dealing with difficult people becomes easy. People often put up defensive fronts to protect themselves or portray themselves differently. We often think people are resisting us when they're only trying to protect themselves.Very few defensive people actually realize they are defensive. Many times an outsider can see someone as defensive when the person is completely unaware of it. They often feel they're acting in the best interests of others. People who shy away from any type of risk or who are constantly making excuses have weaknesses within themselves. They often project their insecurities onto others. A person who constantly brags about his intelligence may, in fact, be insecure about it. So, for his own reassurance, he tries hard to convince others that he is smart. In some situations, he may become an "over-achiever" to compensate for his self-perceived weaknesses. People who ridicule others for being poor achievers may be trying to hide the fact that they are poor achievers themselves. In this way, they project their own faults onto others instead of admitting them to themselves. Criticize The Act, Not The Person When dealing with difficult people you must use criticism very carefully. The reason for criticizing other people is to modify their behavior, not to insult them. If you criticize people for being stupid, foolish, etc., they will lose respect for you and become defensive. If you criticize people's acts not their intelligence, they'll hopefully change their behaviors and still have respect for themselves and for you. Everyone is insecure in one way or another and defensiveness is a normal reaction to insecurity. There are ways of dealing with difficult people without becoming frustrated or upset. Read more about effectively using criticism when dealing with difficult people on this page. Here are a few guidelines to follow when dealing with difficult people... Never Accuse A Person Of Being Defensive Accusing a person of being defensive can be damaging. Don't say things like, "You're defensive because you can't cope with the situation." Try to divert the focus of your criticism to the situation and suggest ways to handle it more productively. Admit Your Own Mistakes No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, but do we all own up to them? If you make a mistake, apologize for it. If you are wrong, admit your error. Mistakes can help us learn how to do things right the second time around, and we should not feel guilty about them. Solve The Real Problem If you already know the real reason behind a person's insecurity then solve the real problem. If a person is insecure about being unattractive, give praise for their good qualities and reassure them of their attractiveness. Questioning And Listening May Solve The Real Problem When dealing with difficult people, NEVER directly label any of their weaknesses. Through your questioning and listening skills, you may be able to get a person to realize his own problems. When you question a person, ask vague questions and try to lead him to a point where he understands himself. Here is a sample question to ask when dealing with difficult people: "It seems to me that you are angry (or tired, overwhelmed, stressed, etc.). How do you really feel about this situation?" Leave The Situation Alone In situations in which a person doesn't want to communicate, it may be better to leave the situation alone. Remember that you can only do so much to help a person realize his problems.
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